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I’m sorry people.  I really do try to be reverent in my Christmas posts, but my mind trails off to other inane things when I try to get all serious.  There’s so much crazy, I have to comment on the crazy, and then I forget all the other sweet, beautiful things I was going to say about Christmas. This situation reminds me of one of my favorite quotes of all time. Which possibly says a lot about me, that maybe shouldn’t be said…

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity, but the way that dame keeps swingin’ back and forth is enough to make a nervous wreck out of me!”

-My Friend Irma

A quote comes to my mind when I think of Michael trying to deal with me at this time of year.  (It would also come to Michael’s mind if he had the memory capacity to remember ever hearing this quote.)

“It’s obvious that I’m an emotional whoopee cushion for you to sit on!”

-King Julien in Madagascar 3

So I should just get all the stupidity out before I try to spread some Christmas beauty.

Anyhow.  My point being this: Have you been to the dollar store lately?

I have.

So many things I want to say, but shouldn’t.

I am only picking on the Dollar Store because I am related to a Walmart Associate, the other store that gives me the best stories.

You might also be wondering why I would go to the Dollar Store at this time of year.  And I would say to you, “Duh. Jesus’ birthday”.  Cause it’s somehow related…

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Can’t you see the Dollar Store in there?

The other reason I would go there, is that any self respecting pastor’s wife would not pay three dollars for something that could be had for ONE dollar, just because she found the Dollar Store somehow distasteful.

So. In early November I worked hard to get ahead of the holiday nuttiness.  I sat around for longer than I am proud of to think of how to get ahead for the holidays.  I wound up in the dollar store with half of the county.  The lines were off the HOOK.  The lady behind me in line was just as gerflumped as I was.*  We were both trying to figure out what might be going on.  What could so many people be doing here?

Later that evening while Michael and I were having our before dinner game of “top this stupid thing that happened today”, ** I mentioned the lines at the dollar store.  He brought up the possibility that maybe other people were also getting ready for christmas.  I didn’t really think so.  He asked what I had bought.  Christmas stuff.  What had the lady behind you bought?  uh. Christmas stuff.  Okay.  Point for the smart guy.

So, this week I found myself in that dreaded store again.  I swear it’s the last time before Christmas.  It all went so smoothly till I got to the register.  The lady in front of me had 200 items.  As I stood in line, a guy near by, but NOT in my line started chuckling. At me.

That is a very bad sign.

A few minutes into the transaction the checker stops a minute to dig something out from under her nail.  And then again.  And again. Interesting, I thought.

After much time had elapsed, so much time, that I had a chance to think of every single party I would be attending this month…it was time for the lady in front of me to finally pay.

Goody, this may mean I will get my turn soon.  But halfway through the payment process, everything came to a screeching halt.  As in, “I’m sorry, but I am too busy to take your money right now” sort of halt.

Because my checker had stopped to clip her nails.  Wait.  Clip her nails?

Why yes, that’s what we do during the magical holiday season at the Dollar Store.

It wasn’t all of her nails, don’t worry.  Just a few.

No wonder that man was laughing.

I will now leave you with a holiday masterpiece.  Look out folks, we have a budding photographer in our midst.

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*  Gerflumped is a new word I invented for this situation, you might try it, as it really does pass the time in line, and also makes you smile to yourself like an idiot.

** In other, sweeter homes this is also called “How was your day, Honey?”