Now wait a second before you get all upset.

Are husbands idiots? No?

Think about how we look at and speak to them on occasion. (Sometimes regularly.)

Could we conclude from the way we give them that glare and eye-roll, or from the thinly veiled disgust in our voice that we sometimes treat our guys like idiots?

(No)

As a female myself, it seems that females in general aren’t easily convinced of our “unpleasant” behavior…

We seem to be profoundly ignorant of the many ways in which we make our husbands (and other family members) feel like the worst of idiots!

“Women have a way about them of sweeping men on to the heights of nobility or of plunging them into the depth of degradation. To women God has given a mysterious power of bringing out the best or the worst there is in a man.”

-Kinsella, The Wife Desired

Ever wonder what the guys think?

Fortunately for you, I don’t have to wonder, because my guy calls me on it. He’s really just so helpful.

Sarcasm aside, I’d rather he tell me (so he can get back to liking me again), than keep it quiet while silently feeling emasculated, depressed, and discouraged with his marriage.

Last week I had an interesting situation. I was going along, minding my business, giving out orders like a drill-sergeant on crack, telling Michael what was what (apparently with a tone of heavy disdain in my voice), when suddenly he said “So I’m the world’s biggest idiot?”.

Whoa. What just happened.

Of course I said “NO! I would never call you that!”.

He said “Well, you just did. Your face said it, your eyes said it, and the way you talked to me just now makes me not like you at all”.

Ahem.

He wasn’t finished.

He said “when you treat me like this, then we are not partners working together, I am just your slave or servant. When you’re treating me like that, you are not attractive to me at all.” (He had to go back over that italicized part, so that in my stupor I would not think he was saying that he NEVER finds me attractive. I have a habit of running off with some tiny tid-bit of what he’s just said which is apparently not at all helpful in these situations (!))

Ouch.

Even though I don’t always handle this fantastically, I am glad that he says these things to me. How would I ever know when I’m doing things that make it impossible to like me?

Can you imagine doing so many hurtful things to our husbands that they begin to have to force themselves to like us? It makes me shiver because I’ve done it so often, and if he never told me I’m hurting him, I can’t think where we’d be by now.

God bless his brave soul.

Which reminds me of another thing he said recently:

“I don’t want to tell you this, because your emotional reactions are scary.”

Oh great.

I am always a little shocked by this, because he is so tough, and he seems impervious to these emotions. But as he has mentioned, an emotional terrorist of a wife is a force to be reckoned with.

Yeah. Emotional terrorist.

What? Your husband doesn’t occasionally call you that?

Well. That’s too bad. Because awareness is half of the battle, or something like that.

It’s good for us to know when we’re being like that woman in Proverbs 14, who tears down her house with her own hands. It knocks us down a few pegs, but that’s okay, we weren’t meant to be running the show, and our husbands weren’t meant to be our slaves. Instead, we’ve been called to be “heirs together in the grace of life”.

So…we keep on praying, and working on those “gentle and quiet spirits” that are so precious to God.

” Men wander the cold world seeking the warm eyes of [approval, and acceptance] like a thirsting deer panting after fountains of water. Not having it, they are lost souls. On finding it, they leap for joy…so be kind ladies, lest men die of hunger and thirst. Give them hope and encouragement to carry on.”

-Kinsella