The Dutch Rush

they're Dutch...and life's a rush

Category: Marriage (page 1 of 2)

idiot husbands

Now wait a second before you get all upset.

Are husbands idiots? No?

Think about how we look at and speak to them on occasion. (Sometimes regularly.)

Could we conclude from the way we give them that glare and eye-roll, or from the thinly veiled disgust in our voice that we sometimes treat our guys like idiots?

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one of my favorite things

I’ve been going through drawers and boxes this week, trying to make more space in this little house. The things I’ve come across have brought up many memories. It’s hard to believe how fast life goes by.

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While going through a drawer this morning, I realized something. One of my favorite things about Michael is the fact that he never gives up on me.

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why do you always pick on the wives?

Some of you might wonder why I’m always picking on the wives. You might want to know if there’s ever a good time to “say it how it is” to your husband. You’re probably sick of me…

I understand, I’m kind of sick of me too. I’m sick of a conscience that (often, not always) won’t let me give into selfishness without a fight.

But we want the Holy Spirit to show us the things about ourselves that God is wanting changed, right?

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how to change your husband

 

“The only hope that a man will ever change is for you to not try to change him.”

-Andelin

The number one question I am asked by frustrated wives is:

How can I change my husband?

That’s what we’re all dying to know, right?

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Hard Work

 

How precious a thing is the [family]. Is it not worth some sacrifice in time, energy, safety, discomfort, work?  Does anything come forth without work?

-Edith Schaeffer

 

Some books change your life. But you don’t realize it till much later.

What is a Family?” by Edith Schaeffer is one of those for me.

Another was “Auntie” Leila’s blog. I have learned so much. I’m grateful.

Hard Work mixed with encouragement and grace has been a major theme of their writing. They remind us that it’s normal for it to take a lot  of work to make a home, cook from scratch, and keep the laundry ahead of the nakedness.

I’ve needed these ladies to remind me that life will never be perfect, and that perfection shouldn’t be our goal.

We can (and should) work hard, love each other, and do special things for our family.  But when the goal of ultimate perfection creeps in, it causes unhappiness and discontent.

Reading old books reminds me of how amazing it is that we have plumbing and appliances that make this a good day to be a wife and mother!

doing laundry

Yet somehow no matter how many “work savers” we have, the fact remains…there is a lot of work to do every day.  It is my experience that the more I try to run from it, the worse it feels.

It’s only when I make myself get right into the mess and work, that things start to change. For dramatic effect we could also call it “heading into the eye of the storm”, because honestly, some days that’s what it feels like.

But those old books also remind me that we have grabbed some strange beliefs in our culture. Maybe we were sold some lies when we weren’t looking.

We’ve been told that having children is hard enough, so we shouldn’t be expected to also cook, clean, and keep things running for our hard working husbands.

We’ve been told that we “deserve a break”, and sometimes we take that to mean something it doesn’t.

We’ve been told that a clean house doesn’t really matter, that our husband should get dinner for himself, that no one knows how hard our life is, so they shouldn’t expect anything from us.

We feel entitled to a life of ease.

But I don’t see a life of ease for Christ’s followers described in the Bible anywhere.  God calls us up to a different place.  He says that to be great, we must be servants of all.

Being “servants of all” is such a different philosophy from a life of ease.  They aren’t even really compatible.

It can be very unpopular  to question these beliefs.

It’s scary to tell women that hard work can be the best thing to happen to them.

But I will question. I will be brave. Tomorrow.  We’ll have part 2.

Don’t worry.  Like everyone else, I have my bad days.  I have a post bookmarked for days like that.  It is gentle and comforting and helps me get back up the next day and try again.

I hope this last idea gives you the comfort and peace that it’s given me.

Human beings are very unbalanced and prone to go off on tangents. In every area of life- with too great emphasis on one thing, leaving out another important thing altogether. None of us will ever be perfectly balanced in our spiritual lives, our intellectual lives, our emotional lives, our family lives, in relationships with other human beings, or in our business lives. But we are challenged to try with the help of God.

-E. Schaeffer

The Giant and the Ice Cream Cone

This really is random, so look out. We’ll start with some past cuteness.

Copy of kids

Fall is my favorite.  I like candles,  soup, and sweaters.  Somehow it makes more sense when the temperature is below 80.

Our family had quite a day at Apple Hill.  I will not relay to you all that we ate.  But I assure you, it was substantial.  I took out my phone to take a picture of us, when all heck broke loose.  Most of the pictures are taken while I am shrieking, waving my hands around and kicking Michael because I had just put half a doughnut in my mouth when he started taking pictures.  Joel is determined not to smile, and Alyssa and Michael can’t stop laughing.  Good times. FullSizeRender (4)FullSizeRender (3)FullSizeRender (6)

In other news, Josh got baptized last week.  He was bold and clear about his love for Jesus. We’re a little proud of that guy.

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I’m a terrible photographer.  But hey, at least there is photographic evidence of the event, right?

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Yes, we’re still naturing it up around here.  Meeting of the Idiots still happens most weeks. I think one of our favorite things about that time is the freedom to call each other idiots. In love, of course. It is the only time certain children may use that word, so it’s a treasured hour of their week.  Naturally, it would be the same hour that we are attempting to identify and draw nature.

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And speaking of nature, Josh and I turned part of the boys bedroom into a nature table to display his findings.  You are probably wondering to yourself  “Is that table also a home for dirty and clean socks?  Water cups?  Old bandaids?  Church bulletins?”  No.  No, it is not. Any of these items get instantly and dramatically re-located to the floor.

And for the grand finale, I will tell you a story of  “The Giant and the Ice Cream Cone”.

It was one of those days recently.  The sort that I was once determined I would never have. Ahem.  During a series of unfortunate events, Michael realized that it may be a good night to take me to dinner.  Even if that meant having roadkill down the street.  There had been countless ridiculous situations during the day, unexpected company (not uncommon around here), and various other small things…very small, but somehow not so small to this woman’s mind on that particular day.  So Michael packed the kids off to various locations, and took me out. Around here “out” has various meanings, being pretty far from what most people think of as a city.

During the drive I had plenty of time to discuss important issues, such as whether or not I knew how to tell if a bicycle tire is low on air, how to check it, when one would decide to replace the tire (tube, they are called apparently) and what not. Lovely, charming dinner date.

Between the time I began to discuss my vast knowledge of bicycles, and the time we got to dinner, I became aware of the fact that I was possibly being slightly difficult, due to the fact that Michael was very quiet.  If you know Michael at all, you know that he and quiet are incompatible.  But when faced with the fact the his wife knew much MUCH more about bicycle tires than he did, even though she admitted that she didn’t…well he knew what sort of night he was going to have.  He loves it when I get like that.  It’s his favorite.

Incidentally, he has mentioned that he knows that I will have those days and feels that my efforts not to have those days could be better used on just admitting to being difficult. Which is actually good news for me.  It is a lot easier to say sorry for being difficult on those grouchy days, than to never have them at all.  Whew.

By now you’re wondering how ice cream comes into the story.

Okay.  So realizing my difficult state, I CHEERED up.  I mean.  I could have fooled you if you had run into us.  Which is usually what happens at a time like that.  But not this time. Instead I noticed the ice cream machine right behind his head and decided yes, that man needs some ice cream. All he needs to do is reach around behind his head and help himself to a mini ice cream cone and everything will be all better.  And here is the proof.

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See?  All better.

The entire time he is eating that ice cream he is telling me that he doesn’t even like this ice cream, and he doesn’t know why he’s eating it, and he should not have had it in the first place.  This brings emotional eating to a whole new level.

And now you have the story of the Giant and the Ice Cream Cone.

I am glad to be able to mention that we actually had a much better second part of our date and got along perfectly.  I think.

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