I just already know that you guys are all gonna love this post. In fact, you’ll be begging for more, like “Mary, we just can’t get enough of this topic, can you please ramble on some more?”.
At breakfast the other morning, we were all talking together about:
Things that we believe…that aren’t popular…but we still believe them because God has spoken.
I think that allowing a man to lead his family falls into this category. It’s also referred to as obeying my husband or submission.
Perfect. I think I can hear the groaning.
Some days I’ll be trying to figure out what God wants me to be doing, so I’ll read a good book, hear a message, or talk to a friend and think “THAT’S what God wants me to do!”
But then I read the Bible.
It says we are to listen to our husbands as to the Lord, because that is the person God has given us to lead and guide our family.
Maybe you think God gave you a bad leader for your family.
Sadly, I am seeing that some women make poor choices. I am not saying this to be hurtful and mean. I’m realizing it is a reality for a lot of women…I talk with some of those women who have, and are experiencing pain that I can never understand. So because I can’t understand the pain, I am trying to just be with them in it. It is heartbreaking.
Please don’t take this to be uncaring or trite.
I think the reality is that we are loved by a God who gave us free choice. And we are all sinners who will struggle with making choices. He knew that some women would be with unbelievers. He gave those women some special instruction. It sounds familiar: “be nice and quiet and submissive…”
Great. It seems to be a theme for all of us.
I’ll just say right now if there are any women reading this who are Christians, and not married yet: DON’T DATE ANYONE YOU COULD NOT RESPECT ENOUGH TO SUBMIT TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!
Well, that really narrowed it down, didn’t it?
There are days that I want to put my fingers in my ears and try to ignore what God says He wants me to do, because it is hard. It sounds like this:
“Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord…now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in EVERYTHING.”
I remembered something in the Bible that says if we are knowingly living in sin, God will not listen to our prayers.
So then, does not submitting to my husband count as sin?
I have spent weeks wrestling with whether or not to post this. But these things have encouraged me to go ahead.
1. My own experience of what happens when I am obeying God in this way.
2. Talking with other women who struggle with this.
It’s a real thing. I would guess if we are honest, we all struggle with this, maybe some more than others.
It says in James, “do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves, do what it says”.
In Proverbs, it says “to obey is better than sacrifice”.
Some days, remembering that one line can stop me dead in my tracks.
As women, we can be amazing at sacrifice. Serving in the church, caring for others, usually in such valuable ways…and all the while we can be so sneaky!
Good little church women, disobeying God by ignoring what our husbands have asked of us!
Talk about deceiving ourselves! I think we’ve actually convinced ourselves that it is God’s will for us to sacrifice in ways that can ignore our husbands. We can tend to make them feel like a loud, oversize nuisance!
Society is constantly telling us that our husbands can take care of themselves.
Maybe we bought into that idea. I mean, think about what we do for our family, church and community in the name of sacrifice.
(Don’t get me wrong, all of those things are critically important when put in the right priority.)
But we sometimes treat our husbands like an afterthought whose needs and leadership tend to be ignored if other things seem more pressing. So we end up “sacrificing” instead of obeying, all in the name of good things.
We deceive ourselves into thinking that we are doing God’s will, thinking that certainly our husbands are “big boys” and can take care of themselves.
WHERE IN SCRIPTURE DOES IT SAY THIS?
It actually says the opposite. It says that this is so important, that if we do not submit to our husbands, it can malign the Word of God.
This is serious! When we fail in this, we are maligning the word of God!
We were MADE specifically to help them! It says so in 1 Corinthians. Yes, it says that. It says “The woman was made for the man, not the man for the woman”.
If you are shaking your head at me thinking, “she’s crazy, I have no idea what she’s talking about!” just go back to what you were doing! It’s okay, my kids sometimes call me “Crazy Mary” which reminds me of a backwoods man with a shaggy beard. Like “Crazy Joe or Crazy Sam…”. Ahem. Anyway…
If you’re still here and you’re ready to think about this, well, lets think! And then act!
Aren’t we a little nuts sometimes? We have this gift of the Holy Spirit to guide us through these things. But we shove Him aside and say, “oh no, I’ll handle this myself. I’m really good at submitting to my husband”.
Think about our husbands, who were given the job of leading our families. It is an assignment from God. And THEY will have to give an account to the God of the universe for how they handled their family. Why do we make it so difficult for them to lead us?
In the end, we can sit self-righteously off to the side and point the finger at him and say “it’s all his fault…he wouldn’t lead me!”
FOR SHAME. It is our shame as women that we make this job of theirs so difficult.
Come on, we KNOW we’re difficult, right? Or is it just me? Am I the only one who thinks I’m difficult?
Why are we still like Eve? Why do we think we know better than God and our husbands?
I’ll give you the secret to make your husband upset in zero to sixty. Treat him like you know better than he does. Set yourself up as the authority in any or every situation. As in, completely ignore Ephesians 5:22-24. It will make you totally miserable, and of course, him too.
On the other hand, if that’s not really what you’re hoping for…
So next, we’ll talk about WHY someone would want to live like this. Because that’s what we’re all wondering, isn’t it? What’s in it for me? I know. It’s messed up and backwards.